Define "chronic" masturbator.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
