I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
