I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
