a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
