thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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