Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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