is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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