your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
