Say something about gay babies.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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