Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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