from now on my penis is your penis
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This house was built for laser tag.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
