Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
