Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
