I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
