thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
