we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
