I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
bring money and cleavage
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
