Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
home. puking in laundry basket.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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