ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
