could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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