he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
