Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize