My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
