woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
