Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
