My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
