I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
