3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
