It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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