I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
