Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
