yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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