I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
