when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
