Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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