is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
