I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
