I didn't shave. On purpose
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
