Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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