are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
