she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
