Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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