I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
