I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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