How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
