I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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