hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
