Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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