oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
