i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
