Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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