Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
