I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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