as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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