Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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