Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
