My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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