his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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