spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
