Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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