the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
