just tell him i said nine months
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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