To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
