I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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