I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
