I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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