i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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