she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
