He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i need an iv and a liver transplant
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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