we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
