so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
