I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize