There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
