its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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